The time has come

Yep, I start work Monday morning.  Am I excited? Yes.  But I know I am really going to miss my girls.  Its a really good job, with good benefits from day one.  Its the right thing to do and I know Alice will take wonderful care of them.

But I am really going to miss them.

I have been with Rylee since the day she was born.  I can’t imagine not waking up to her.  She is still so little to me.  I know, I know…She will be 18 months in two weeks. Where the hell has a year and a half gone?

On a lighter note…New clothes baby! And damn cute shoes!  I can honestly say that I have not purchased clothes for myself, besides a couple pairs of shorts last summer, for almost 2 years.  I hate shopping, but getting the perfect stuff rocks.  Clothes that fit me awesome and make me feel goregous.  What could be better?

Due to the new job, hubby will be quitting his night job and getting Saturdays off at the day job. Rocks I know!  So for the first 7 weeks of training we will have weekends off together.  Then I will work weekends 12-9 for the following 11 weeks.  No biggie really, sleeping in and home early enough to hang out for a while.  But then…I will really miss putting my girls to bed.

Lord give me strength to do this….I have been a full time mommy for a long time now and its who I am.

Guess its time to be Rachel too.

Kill me now

Did I mention that I do despise looking for a job?  Oh I didn’t, well I do.

My anxiety creeps right up on my and I feel as if I am going to throw up.  I always do good interviewing, but that maybe because I tell them straight up that I am really nervous and I apologize right from the get go.  First thing is first though, I have not interviewed to work somewhere in 6.5 years.  I feel like i have never done it before. I am sick at the thought of it. I don’t want to play and I want to go to my room.  Make sense?

Add to that, I have been wearing nothing but casual dumpy clothes for roughly 3 years now.  No dress pants or non-denim skirts are in my house. So now I will have to go out and buy something to wear to an interview with all the money I don’t have, hence the need for a job.

On top of that, there is the whole babysitting issue.  My hours are all over the place from the get go until I get a set schedule roughly 18 weeks from the day I start.  Yeah, there is totally people running from to babysit my kids. Yeah, right!

Alice has offered, and I know that she would be so good to my girls.  I am so comfortable with her and she truely is a wonderful friend, but I feel like I would be asking so much of her.  Its just not sitting right with me.

So, by now I have stressed myself out so much by it all that I can’t even begin to think about anything else.

God some days I hate being an adult!

The job

As you may or may not know…I have to get a job.

Its not so bad. You see, this stay at home mom job I have had for the past year and a half is way harder than any job I have ever had previously. I mean its non stop day and night. Sun up to sun down. And you don’t get paid!!

Is it worth it? Damn straight it is! These are my babies we are talking about! I get to see them be amazing every single damn day!!

I am sad, and excited…My how the world comes full circle.

My true friends

For the longest time I only had 1 true friend.   That would be Bree. Now don’t get me wrong, she will always hold the BFFE title, but she is no longer the only person I hold dear to my heart.

Alice…Today is Alices birthday.  Although anyone who knows me knows that I don’t babysit, tonight I will be babysitting the adorable Levi while Alice and Jeremy go to the Melting Pot. WOO HOO!  Alice is a wonderful person. She likes me the way I am and only seems embarassed by the things that come out of my mouth every now and again.  Her husband Jeremy is an AWESOME guy.  He has been know to be my surrogate husband when Cody is working and we go to a moms group event.  I adore him.

Erin…Wonderful Miss Erin.  We are so alike its discusting.  Sassy, fun and sarcastic. Her amazing husband Tim is up there too.  He is helpful and funny as hell.  They rock!

Marylynn…I highly doubt there is actually anyone in this wide world who could meet Marylynn and not completely love her.  She is so willing to help and listen. What more could you really want in a friend? Her husband Josh would really love everyone to think he is a hard ass, but when Rainee hurt her leg and I was frazzled he was the first person to scoop up Rylee and carry her to the car for me…He is a shit great guy.

Laura…Damn girl you know you are cool! And SUPER fun.  You can make any party rock it and you are there for me whatever I may need.  You are great to talk to or just hang out with.  Now her husband Craig is a complete and total shithead nerd.  I am guessing this is why we are always making fun of each other and partying later than everyone else!

Carlie…Oh my dear Carlie. You know me girl. You have a huge heart and an amazing mind.  You are so down to earth and you stand your ground, I love it!  Her darling husband Scott is truely tranditional and full of fun. I love giving him a rash of shit, he can give it back faster than you see it coming.

What do these wonderful people have in common?  They are all amazing mothers and truely incredible friends.  I look forward to all the things our friendships will include.

Here’s to you ladies…You mean the world to me.

Oh, what a case of the Mondays

Yep, its Monday.

Can you feel it guys?

Rainee had preschool for the first time today and I think we did well.  Other than that I completely uneventful day has flown by.  I have read almost another complete book making it 5 in two weeks. I am completely consumed when I read as you can tell.

I think I need some time alone to process my thoughts. Maybe I can run away from life a little tonight when the hubs gets home from the in laws.  I am thinking a date with the tanning bed is calling my name.  Then a nice hot bath and the rest of my book.

I have completed absolutely nothing today short of taking Rainee to school and going to the bank. Well that and of course getting a coffee.  Should probably figure out what to make for dinner.  Maybe I will make some peanut butter cookies, they sure sound good with coffee right now.

Better yet, I am a working woman now…I am ordering pizza.

Feeling anxious

You know that feeling you get of anxiety or excitment in your stomach?  I have been wearing that feeling around for days.  I don’t really know what is causing it…Well maybe I do.

Either way its weird. I mean I have never felt this way for this long before. Its like something big is going to happen and I know it, but I don’t. Sometimes the feeling gets overwhelming and it catches my breath. WTF?

However, its a pretty cool feeling.  So I will happily wear it for now.

My husband is trying to kill me

I truely swear to god that he is…Not in the physical sense of course, but the emotional one for sure.  He can’t handle our kids without freaking out and then of course its my fault.  He is lazy and it drives me nuts.  I am on the go all the time. I like seeing things and going places.  He likes watching tv and staying home.

So how would you say that it has come to be that we are still married?  I think at this point we are floating on luck. People say you have to work on a marriage to make it work…But whatever if the things that need to be worked on are just part of who the person is and no something they are doing?

I really wish that I had answers.  And this I am sure is not the day to try and find them as I am clearly not rational.

I think.

Little old me

It has come to my attention inthe last few weeks that there is no pictures of me anywere that were not taken by me.  Should I be concerned that there is no one in my life that wants to take my picture?  I am always the picture taker…I take pictures of my family and friends, but the only ones of me are the ones I have taken of myself on my cell phone for specific reasons. 

No pictures of me at the holidays or anything….

WOW

One hell of a bad day

OMG, this day has sucked from morning til now.  Started with really whiny kids and ended with the new dog pissing on my floor.  I will spare you all the crap inbetween, but know that is really was a bad day! 

I hate bad days, its like a ball starts rolling that you can’t stop even if you tried.  That is how it always is for me.  If I wake up to something bad, I just know that is how my day is going to be. 

Its a good thing I know its normal, or I would definately think it was just me and my bad luck.

WOW!

Life is some crazy stuff I must say.  Turns and twists I can’t even comprehend most days.

I would say its just me and my craziness…But I am pretty sure its the world. LOL

Things change so quickly, they go in ways that you don’t expect.  Some ways you don’t really know how to handle. You go with the flow, ride the wave and you learn from your past to make a better future. 

But…WOW.